It's not that I don't care
It's that
I can't make myself keep hurting
Most of the time I know
But I can sideline it
Because
I'm losing you but you're not gone yet
Some of the time
Some of the time it takes me like an avalanche
I'm driving and a group of hospices
Are releasing a Christmas song
About a loss
I sing along until
My breath
Heaving in and out
Can no longer choke the slightest sound
Until the traffic ahead is blurry
And there is a part of me
That realises now is a bad time
Some of the time it makes me breathless
I'm building you a forever gift
In defiance of the futility
And as I finish
The Christmas film on TV reaches its crescendo
As all the little children
Celebrate the wishes they have been granted
And I cannot cry
I can only stop
And wait
Alicia
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