Sunday, 28 June 2015

Goodbye

How fortunate I am to be able to mourn your loss, even though you are not yet wholly gone.

I wrote, some time back, but didn't dare post about how conflicted I was. To trust or not to trust. To take that leap, despite the fact that when I asked you told me of your own uncertainty.

I'm still too scared to tell you that I have never been uncertain of myself.

To tell you would be to scare you and I don't want to lose you that way.

By my silence I lost you in every other conceivable way.

You gave me hope. You asked for time.

Then you took it away when you asked for other avenues. I felt that I had truly lost you.

Now I'm waiting for sand to run out, the clockwork to wind down. Moment by moment the time passes in silence.

Perhaps when you tell me it is the end I will be out of tears and I can find the courage to tell you all of the truth.

Or perhaps I will find the strength to stay silent, and watch you walk away knowing that my words will only make you unhappy.

I will do anything I can to avoid making you unhappy.

I love you. I will miss you.