Friday, 20 March 2015

Trousers

Today I tried on two pairs of trousers. One pair was grey and the other red.

My history with these trousers is complicated. The red pair I purchased when I was losing weight as an incentive to continue dieting. I got home, tried them on, and the tightness of the waistband created such an unpleasant appearance I comfort ate for days. The grey pair I purchased long before. When I originally had them they fit in the leg, and created a significant belly bulge/ muffin top. Nevertheless I wore them with baggy jumpers and occasionally a corset. What can I say, I'm committed. Or I need to be. It's 50:50 at this point.

So then I put on weight and couldn't pull the grey trousers above my knees. I comfort ate and became too scared to try again (hence the purchase of the red pair - which are the same size so lord only knows what I was thinking).

Those trousers have resided in a drawer in my wardrobe. Lurking, waiting for their day in the sun. Right now I'm in the middle of a process. I have banned myself from the scales more than once a month and I am eating healthily and exercising regularly and above all talking incessantly about it.

This morning I needed a reward and the scales were not an option. So I pulled both pairs of trousers out of the wardrobe. I checked the sizes to make sure I wasn't going to torture myself by trying to squeeze into a skinny fit size 10, but sure enough they are both size 12.

I wasn't expecting much. I hoped I could pull them all the way onto my legs, but I know I really let myself go recently and this might not happen. I also know that my leg muscles are bigger, more visible and defined and while the fat could have been squished into submission the muscle would not allow that.

So on went the grey pair. Almost to the top of the leg, maybe a cm off. This is great! They were so close to fitting me on the leg that I thought "I really need to check the waist, and they're sort of on." So I wrestled with the fastening. And it was wrestling. I mean there was twisting, grunting, stretching, the works. But it fastened. I braved myself to face the horror.

There was no need.

Those trousers do not fit. There is no denying that. But the exercise I have been doing lately appears to have redistributed my squishy bits. Instead of the majority of it being around the belly, it must be dispersed across my back, chest and legs because there was barely any muffin top in those trousers. Even being hyper critical, I can honestly say that those trousers fit me far better than they ever have before.

So then I tried on the red pair which have a lower waist. Again I was worried because of the belly hang potential. And there was definitely some over spill there, but the truth is that those trousers will fit me very, very soon.

And the best part about all of this for me is that the only issue I have had with my body in my life is that I dislike my belly. I will never have a six pack, I'm just not that committed. But the fact that re-sculpting my body appears to be addressing the one thing that has upset me in the past is blinking marvelous.

Alicia