Wednesday, 23 July 2014

67 page views from 6,000

I am remarkably good at flying under the radar. I don't know how it works - other people writing a blog even with my limited hit rate of good to bland posts would have a dedicated followship by now. I've been writing for a year and a half and apart from one friend who (I'm pretty sure) followed me just to make me feel better about myself; I don't have any committed readers.

It's a little pathetic how excited I get when a piece I've written gets more than 10 views (yeah, seriously). In fact, I only have four things that have broken the three-figure barrier. All four of them are about Josh Groban, and happened to be caught by his fan board. Let's just consider that for a moment - a fan board, with thousands of active users, posted a link to my blog and less than 200 people clicked on it.

Seriously - how do I do it? How do I remain completely unnoticeable?

I don't want to be famous. I think it would be horrible to be considered fodder for shallow judgments by people who cannot bear to look at themselves honestly in the mirror or their soul.

Despite this: every now and then I write something I'm genuinely proud of and I want it to make its way into the world.

Now, being so close to the 6,000 barrier, I feel .... Incredibly whiny, actually. Reflecting on this post, it is utterly valueless. I don't write for an audience, I write for me.

But it would be lovely to *have* an audience so I can make a more fully informed judgment.

Alicia

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Lyrics (very, very sad lyrics)

Before you read these, I need to make very clear (especially for newcomers to the site who may not understand how this works yet and who I may be dating and perhaps don't want them to freak out about this):

These lyrics are not how I feel right now. I'm incapable of writing how I feel right now, I always have to refer back to a historical point. Also, these lyrics are about three people, not one. And almost certainly they aren't the three you might think they are. :)

I was watching the end of A Knight's Tale last weekend and the bit at the end where they're trying to persuade Heath Ledger to run away really stuck with me. He asks Paul Bettany "And you Geoff? Do you want me to run?"

"With all of the pieces of my heart."

Paul Bettany gets some of the best lines ever in that film, but I do feel that one is particularly epic. And it's been chasing a few other thougths around in my head and this is what (I hope) may break the writer's block I've been having.

It seems like there is a space
where you used to be in my life
I'd wake up in the morning just to see you smile
You taught me freedom
You brought me joy
You gave me the chance to be the best of all I am

Remember how we met: I was so insecure
But you didn't seem to notice
You thought great things of me and I tried
so hard
to live up to them
And now I wake up greater and more lonely than I have ever known

I dream of you with me
While I stand, work, walk and sleep alone
I know how wonderful life could be if it was the two of us together
But for all you have given me
I have to give you your freedom in return

And I wish you love and the happiness you deserve
with all the pieces of my heart.

 And, for those of you wondering, yes, this was sad enough to make me cry.

Alicia