Friday, 9 May 2014

All about me

This is a profile of the writer as a woman not quite thirty just yet, but turning that way in 5 days.

I'm 5'4". I have been since I was about 11. Once I felt hugely tall, but then the world spiked all around me and now I feel most secure in the knowledge that everyone around me is taller than me. It feels disorienting to be around short people.

I'm 11 stone. I have been for.... I just weighed myself. I am 12 stone. Oops. I'll reweigh tomorrow; that seems scarily high (especially as I always think of myself at 9 stone 3). 

I'm brunette. My mother has dark brown hair, my dad is ginger. I fall sort of in between. When I spend a long time in the sun, I get this reddish tint to my hair, but it's so short these days that it's hardly noticeable.

I have blueish eyes. They are often described as grey, and in the right light can get a turquoise tint. I like that about them. When I was a teen I started looking at my eyes more carefully and realised when I really looked that the iris is made up of yellowish strings radiating outward from the pupil with a dark blue background. The yellow strands are irregular and appear broken in places.

I have a square jaw and high, prominent cheekbones. This combines with my hairline to give me a peculiar face. Facing me directly you will see a square faced individual (and this is how I see myself) but from above (the average male in England is several inches taller than I am, so this describes their perspective) I look like a poorly thought out manga character. The width of my jaw means that I always have that clearly defined jawline which is so recommended as the basis of a good portrait.

I am pale skinned (thanks Dad) and very freckly (thanks Mum). 

Generally I like myself. My face is, as previously discussed, kind of odd but it is also pleasant to look at. Physically I'm not perfect - cosmetically I'd like to reduce the belly, but everything else is a good size. More distressing are the areas of weakness; the floppy ligaments that affect my posture are the real kicker. I'm not fond of the hair that crops up *everywhere*. I mean, I'll keep the stuff on my scalp, eyebrows and lashes, but honestly the moment I heard Tim Minchin singing about a woman with alopecia from the neck down I thought "No, it needs to be from the cheekbones down, otherwise there's still too much maintenance!"

There are other issues of course. I'm unreasonably romantic. I dream and daydream unless I'm deeply depressed which is fortunately rare. I love food and drink, but I think that's a cover for the thing I really love which is sensory input. Sights, sounds, smells, textures. I absolutely revel in sensations. Bad memories or negative emotions give me an unpleasant physical sensation, so it seems like it works both ways. I throw myself into work. Achievements are more important to me than they probably should be, but I like those markers that enable me to say: Look. This. I did this. It is defined by me and I'm willing to let it define a small part of me in return.

I'm creative, ambitious, adventurous, enthusiastic, self-indulgent and on the whole, happy.

In five days I turn thirty.

I wonder who I will be five days before I turn forty.


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