Monday, 8 July 2013

Monster Flu

Ideally, this would be a picture story. I'd like to strip out some of the descriptive stuff and replace it with images. Therefore, it probably doesn't read well to people who don't have the pictures in my head. But there you go.


The three headed monster had flu in two of his heads. The third had been straining to stay out of reach of their germs and sneezes for so long he'd developed a severe crick in his neck.

Mark and Dorothy entered the cave, hauling a cauldron behind them. Mark set to slicing lemons into the cauldron and Dorothy started a small fire. As the lemons were sweating their oils and the aroma gradually filled the room Dorothy added a tin of treacle to the pan. The fire was very small and just liquified the treacle enough that it started to dribble through the sliced lemons to the bottom of the cauldron.

The monster was so tired the two sick heads could barely lift themselves and the third was in such a bad mood he refused to help. So, using their shoulders, the two sick heads shuffled themselves across the cave floor towards the cauldron. Because the third head was facing backwards with his eyes closed huffily, his head banged against the crystals hanging from the ceiling as the others passed underneath. This made him feel very upset and he snuffled quietly as two great tears fell from his eyes.

The thing about monster tears is that they always turn into diamonds as they fall, which is why everybody wants to fight with monsters and make them live in horrible places - because the unhappiest monsters make the biggest jewels.

However, Mark and Dorothy cared more about the monsters' health and happiness more than the jewels, so when they heard the tell tale clacking sound of the diamonds hitting the rocks they felt sorry for him. Even though he wasn't sick himself, because his other heads had been coughing and sneezing all through the night, he hadn't slept very well at all and so was very tired, as well as being sore in the neck and now, thanks to his bump, he was going to have a very bad headache too.

Dorothy went outside to where the horses were waiting with the rest of the supplies and guided one into the cave. Taking one of the horse blankets from the back of the cart, she dragged it up the monster's ear and laid it over the bump on his head. Then she took buckets and buckets of water, soaking the blanket, so the poor monster had a nice cold compress to soothe his pain.

When he was feeling happier his scales turned from an angry red (with tones of mustard when he was crying) to a fresh, rich dark green. Seeing this, Dorothy pulled on his ear until it lay in a slope from the ground to the top of his head, and guided the horse and cart up to his brow. There the horse trotted back and forth (which he couldn't feel any more than you can feel a butterfly), dragging the heavy cart along. To the head the cart felt like a hand stroking his forehead, and the he was so very tired that within five minutes he had fallen asleep.

Dorothy returned with the cart and what was left of the water to the cauldron. Mark had been busy, and now there were several layers of sliced lemon, cinnamon, cloves and treacle in the pot, all in one gigantic gooey mess.

Dorothy unwrapped the special belt she was wearing, which contained the last secret ingredient, and threw it in as Mark stoked the fire up high. Immediately the mixture started crackling and bubbling and they began throwing water onto it as fast as they could. The water turned into steam and soon the cave was one gigantic scented cloud.

The secret ingredient lulled the two sick heads to sleep properly, and all the other good things made them able to breathe more easily. Dorothy and Mark knew that it was best to let them drink the mixture, but the beasts were so big and the cauldron so small that there was no way to make enough liquid for two whole mouthfuls.

But, as a special treat for themselves, Mark and Dorothy always drank the last two cupfuls of the mix - because although it's the best thing to drink when you're sick, you don't actually need to be sick to drink it and it's one of the tastiest beverages in the world.

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